I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
