dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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