we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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