Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
