there was a trapeze. enough said
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
