Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
