I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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