i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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