All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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