Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm like, not good at living.
You are a genius and a whore.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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