Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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