she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
