the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
