Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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