I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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