we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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