don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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