I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
