if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
