just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
