yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i need some magic done to my vagina
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
