Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
