Rock
Scissors
Fuck
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
