In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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