I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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