She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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