theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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