Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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