dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She announced her abortion via fbk
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
