I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
