You made me cry and you don't even care
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
