is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
