so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
