What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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