well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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