dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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