Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
