insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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