you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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