in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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