Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
