one two three fourrrrnication!
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's shark week go big or go home
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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