I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
