Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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