i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
