if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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