one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
