You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
