Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
