There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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