Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
