dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
