3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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